How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
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