Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
