Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
