Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
