This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Randomize
