I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
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