Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
