oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
