You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
