I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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