Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
