my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
