I'm eating all of the evidence.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
