Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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