And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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