never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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