Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
