if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
