I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
