i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
