Do you still have your period?
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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