Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
