Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
