Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
