Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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