I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
