SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
