Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize