I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize