Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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