she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize