having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
