Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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