Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
