my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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