Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
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