I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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