How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
