I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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