If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
