Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
