I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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