real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
