A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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