Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize