I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
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