I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
