I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
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