Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Randomize
