Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
