i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
