I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
