I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
