She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
