WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
