I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
