i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
