dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
