i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
