Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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