who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize