Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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