I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
