come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
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