Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
