You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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