I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
