I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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