First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
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