carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Randomize
