Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
