Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Randomize
